It was a vividly dark setting, somewhere underground. Basement. I see stairs in the distance, cement finish on the walls and floor. The space had a really high ceiling. I remembered feeling somewhat trapped, yet comfortable. I had been seated on a plush sofa-cushion thing with koagonoth seated across from me. We were in a converrsation, one that has got koagonoth intrigued and piqued, though even from where I was, it was hard to hear nor decipher. It was a mumbled fuzz. When my hearing senses tuned in - from what I can recall - the topic of relationship surfaced. 

I had declared that I can make him happy.

Immediately something hot flushed through my face and Pang's face popped up in my slumbering mind. Koagonoth continued the conversation about his past relationships, about how it had been difficult to find middle ground. I replied something about clarity, transparency, and trust - things that had been somewhat absent in my 2+ years with Pang, in my terms of course - and koagonoth agreed on these factors...

...before coming down on me, asking if I was sure I was able to make him happy. Then he declared we'll be going out, and I had asked to excuse myself to the bathroom.

A moment later, I am now naked and apparently taking a goddamn shower right by the living area where I had just been a moment ago with koagonoth. Suddenly he said he'll be leaving and will be back. I had gone to see him off in something that was a tube dress-bath robe, still dripping wet. I had asked him questions, though I cant remember what they were now. I was sure it was out of nervousness, and a clash of emotions that I started mindless chatter. I was confused about the emotions I was feeling - which explains the fucking random shower to "cool down" - when he held (read: grabbed) my face. 

You're mine now, koagonoth breathed in a low growl that clearly belonged to him. Something like a kiss happened in a flash, then he kissed my forehead before smirking away. 

Apparently, I felt giddy. Stupidly, too, I had thought about Pang. "What if he knows," and I plopped down the sofa-cushion thing trying to figure out this non-existent crisis. It had been real then, and I was so alarmed by it. 

When koagonoth came back, he brought some crates of beers. I was dressed in a lazy dress. Barefooted. We were wilding out thanks to the booze and somewhere down the line he had asked if I had slept with anyone before. I shot him back with a "What do you think" and he was on top of me, his face right on mine. I was breathing so hard until I blacked out. 

Labels: after the storm, dreaming of dreams, GOT7 갓세븐, I learn new things everyday, nightmare song, on nights like these, on repeat

The window suddenly opens. It creaked, and at once I was stunned. The sheer coldness of the wind at night was not to my understanding — how can something transparent and light as air cut through my skin? I slithered towards the window, afraid of another attack.

A hand gently grasped mine as I peeked out below. The contact sent sparks of ice up to my brain. I doubled back, but never retreated. I waited for the truth to come up and face me, and there he was.
He stood like the darkness in summer. His eyes, soft like wintered snowflakes. The sharp gaze met mine and I choked on my own breath. His lifeless arms suddenly reached forth, gesturing that I come nearer. Time seemed to have slowed down for too long — suddenly crashes of the crowd right outside my door are heard.

No more, I dont want to be suppressed no more.

I turned towards the man at the window, clasped his hand, and we left on what seemed like a flying skateboard. Hilarious, but gracious regardless. He pressed me towards him as we landed behind a couple of nearby cars. Astounded by his great warmth, dumbfounded in all that was happening, I was torpid in acknowledging the presence of all seven of them. Each took their turn to ruffle my hair in greeting, and I flushed with every chimerical contact. The reverie didnt last long. The rampage from home has been going on for the last hour or so. It was really hard to swallow, the fear from before.

I glanced back up to my room on the ninth floor one last time before we left in such haste. I wasn't sure if this was something I would not see to regret in future, though this was the least of my worries. What's keeping me constantly occupied in my own head is the fact that my heart and body are not in sync, for I was holding one's hand tightly while leaning into the arms of another. Ridiculous. Something only fairy tales can fetch is half of a reality in mine.

Yet, the only one who could affect me as much as death does is not even within the proximity. He is the very source of this war, the reason for my mental fiasco.

Labels: fah_fiction, happy, midnight, nightmare song

Labels: f*ckyeah, melody_lines, nightmare song

Labels: epik, f*ckyeah, nightmare song, 인피니트 INFINITE

This is the song that has made into my top list of Nightmare Songs.
It's stuck in my head, this sick beat, sick track, sick band.
The music is so sick I must be dreaming.



//
I must be pretty naive right now. Naive and vain.
In my head, I will conquer the world as a woman. I will be a woman,
and I want you to watch me.
That is why I am growing out my hair,
because I know the prejudiced reactions would come falling from the sky.
I will admit, I want that. I want this, this attention.
And then, just then, I can tell everyone else to

FUCK OFF.

Because I will wear what I want, be who I am, and live as I may.
We all know that we dont exactly mean "everyone" even though we said "everyone".
The "everyone" we so often refer to, are those that stabbed us in the back,
those who said and believed in themselves that we wont live through the day we taste happiness.
I'll tell you what my happiness is.

My happiness is to be happy with myself,
and for everyone of you to try and pull me down with your judgements.
Let's see you try stopping me from being awesome. Like this.


just watch me

Labels: f*ckyeah, happy, nightmare song