If I were to walk away from you, you wont chase after me, right?

Because you dont want to impose on me, right?

Because you dont want to give opinions on something you're not involved with, right?

Because everytime there's a problem between me and others — like family, like friends, like you — I blame myself. It has nothing to do with you.

So you wont chase me, right?

You wont run after me thinking that you can definitely make me happ(ier), right?

Because you dont understand and you'll leave it, since I "know better".

What can I do to get you to just talk to me, through arguments, through discussions, through imposing debates and, well, to just talk?

Because Im your partner. I want to know everything about you. Because you're different from me. So let me experience that difference.

But you dont seem to take interest in my things. Because youve "got enough on your plate".

Do you not think that I am the same too? That I force many things on myself for a reason. For reasons.

Of all your flattery of me being strong and dependable, the irony is you dont depend on me. I dont get that.

What fear do you have that involves me?

Why do you get to decide what to do with yourself when you're with me/when I'm involved but I dont have a say?

I never thought of the idea of imposing, you for me and vice versa.

I only want to share. Everything. With you.

I know you're not romantic, but I deserve some romanticism too.

I may be a strong person, but Im still a girl.

Im still a woman.

I have needs. I am sensitive because I am a woman.

Sensitive does not equate to weakness.

It just means I have more heart to give.

But you, falling for me because of it, are not allowing that to flow normally with us.

And in that sense, you are imposing your ways on me.

And Im fighting so hard because I hate it.

But I can curate my words well against you.

So I end up keeping quiet and let you have your way instead.

Sounds the same isnt it?

I bet you do feel certain things similarly with me too.

And I get it.

I hurt the most because you seem so busy with everything else...

But 'everything else' doesnt seem to involve me.

When my friends text me to say theyre taking a break and want to talk to me, or when they are bored so they talk to me,

I think to myself, why cant you?

Why cant you spend your lull with me? Why cant you spend your lull on me?

And dont tell me you dont have such thing as a lull.

Im just not high on your priority, it seems.

Since I need to spoonfeed you information on me.

Since you cant appreciate surprise events for me.

Since you wont associate with things that involves me but doesnt involve you.

Sure, go ahead and think that I'm exaggerating and escalating all these things beyond reason.

It will only prove how selfish you are to the point where you would put aside your partner.

Because these things that are trivial to you are important to me.

I am negotiable but you wont talk to me because of your stupid no imposing ideals.

I dont care how you flatter me, but if you cant even reciprocate every time I say I love you, it's difficult for me.

It takes a lot of courage for me to utter those precious words. Every single time I do.

But you dont appreciate it.

Oh, sorry, you do?

But you dont show it?

Why wont you?

Because it's not necessary?

Really?

Then well, I guess this relationship isnt as important as I think it is to you too.

What? You cant take care of me if you cant even take care of yourself?

Look. Im not asking you to take care of me.

I can take care of myself well enough. I need you to walk with me.

Remember that? I need you to hold my hand and walk with me.

I dont need you to lead the way.

Because the only thing you should be leading is in my afterlife, and that involves religion.

Listen. Im not mad. Im not upset. I'm past all that.

You taught me to think practically. So here I am.

These are my emotionally practical rants.

These are my essentials.

I've asked you to always be there on whatsapp.

You have.

I've asked you to be supportive and hang on while Im fighting my demons.

You have.

There's nothing else I can ask of you except to live true to my request of walking this path with me.

Because if you wont talk to me, I will.

And if it tires you out, Im ready for the consequence.

Because understand it's not my fault.

It's not yours to bear either because if thats you, then do you.

Change is only true when it matters to you,

when it is for the better in your future.

So that is why, should I walk away from you in the future,

please know that it took a lot of heart from me,

that it really tore at me from all ends.

It is easier to let go, than it is to hang on.

It is easier to be alone, than be together.

It is easier to keep silent, than to express yourself.

Because it's easier to die than it is to live.

It easier to love myself, than it is to love you.

I am as ready as you are.

We are two sides of the same coin,

but the sides are different.

Do you get the drift?

I dont want our watch to end.

Just because.

Labels: for you to read and for me to know, it's like you're asking for a beating, pang the popiah, pretty please, this aint pretty, why you do this to me

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재욱아. 너무 보고싶어요. 또 만날 보자! 잘자요, 내 동생이! ♥
Jerry ah. I miss you very much. Let's meet again soon. Good night, my brother! ♥


I dont care that I may sound as if you just died but you gots to know I miss you everyday even before you left so now that you legit left, this missing thing is gonna hurt real bad cos there's no more "aww I can see him soon this week".. y'feel?

I only wish for the best for you. Youre still so full of passion and dreams. I pray that youll find your happiness and stability somewhere, some place, where the world can be the kind of teacher that can tell you to not give up and press on even when the tough gets going. You may no longer be in Digipen, back in Penang and later Korea, but know that at every stairwell I rush through for class, for ever period that I stand near the trash bin, when every flip flop slap I hear coming from behind me, I see you. I hear you, cackling and laughing at me. I see your stupid face, I smell your fluffy jacket. All of you.. I still see you.

Our promise to go wreck chaos in Seattle is still pending. You better come back to SG and visit me, or come over to Seattle and keep your promise with me. Everytime we were meant to meet, you'll leave me hanging. Jesuz, and to think I waited on you. Stupid motherfucker. Maybe it's a good thing you left Digipen, so I wont have to keep looking over my back or around the corner to contain my excitement at having to see you but do a double take cos youre struggling just keeping up with the Dipipeoples. Argh, fuck you.

Love you long time b. Dont forget me.
I WILL HAUNT YOU ON FACEBOOK YOU WAIT.
I'LL PROVE TO YOU EVEN A FAILURE LIKE ME
CAN PRESS ON THROUGH THE TOUGH CAKE THAT IS DIGIPEN,
YOU'LL SEE. /inserts jesus' face/

IM ALMOST THERE. ARE YOU? Im sure youll be a fine DJ, or a rapper, or all the magical things you wanna be. You just gotta really put your mind to it. Stop looking for people when youve found a legit circle you can count on in Digipen. The world's gonna be quite harsh on you, Im afraid, so be strong boy. I'll always be here for you, no matter how stupiak you can actually be. Love you long time, Jerry, love you long time. ♥

Labels: i miss you, it's like you're asking for a beating, matters of the heart, pretty please, reminder remember, throw you upside down inside out, why you do this to me, words of love (:, you piece of shit

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my creative juices have evolved and it wont be settling down to deal with status quo. it's time I fly opposite the clans. and I dont care who Im leaving behind because no.

sometimes I dont know if its even worth it. but its okay. because levi.

I don't know which option you would choose.
I could never advise you on that...

no matter what kind of wisdom dictates you the option you pick,
no one will be able to tell if it's right or wrong
until you arrive to some sort of outcome from

your choice.

holla.

Labels: because, it's like you're asking for a beating, let us just go to a place, lets do this

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I chanced upon this as I was clearing up my posts. this should be a really old writing, a long couple of years back.

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Do you know what respect is, _?
First, it means you dont use vulgarities in your language use cos vulgarities equals youre a son of a bicth, which i dont think your mum is consedering th fact that youre still alive and your mum hasnt thrown you out of the house yet.

Second, it means you accept people's love and idolism for things and others because obviously i dont have anything against your whatever fucking cob which stands for cheebye of bastards, like you.

Third, you stop using terms and camouflage-tak-menjadi things which you think will make people think that they think its not you. but oh, actually, youre the one thats dumb cos apparently it is obvious that its you, you bloody son of a bitch.

Fourth, stop being so impressed just because people call you superstar cos you dont even respect yourself to get people respecting you. youre not a literature student and youre half-dead so you will never get the meaning to whatever they do and say. you cant deny this cos you do take in everything and anything which links to your fame konon.

Fifth, stop being a moron and a stalker. how can anyone respect you when you stalk girls and have a bitch-fit when the fact of your australian girly dont make sense?

Sixth, behave like a gentlemen if you really want that proper attention, and not like a slut, cos apparently, you have issues with those who look like girls but are apparently guys. which is yourself, as a matter of fact.

I cant write anymore. Im so exacerbated that im shaking so hard with the fact that youre still so unashamed and tickled of your acts. I am thoroughly disappointed that my chance to forgive you before in Mrs Alfred's counsel room has brought out more nonsense from you. I know your father's departure was traumatising but this is too much.

If you swear in my back it just shows that youre really a tooter lar okay. I have held on to this much extent. Im so pissed off with you but i thought keeping quiet will let you ease down but no. it got worse.

so whats the verdict? will you shut up already or will you still be noisying about this situation so much so you will tell people that you want to meet me and give a fucking telling time konon?

Labels: #justsaying, it's like you're asking for a beating

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