As a storyteller, any medium proves a way, a method or even a challenge to deliver compelling tales. I have very high expectations for every story I come across because of one particular aspect: character devevelopment. It is so important to me that the characters are able to relate back to the audience, or anyone for that matter, because otherwise it defeats the purpose of sharing the story. [unless the story's purpose is to just become a story.. audience or no audience]. learning which tool you prefer to tell your story with is important. since the characters in the story takes precedence in my books, the story format and form isnt really important.. I just have a preference, yknow? to that end, preference also doesnt equate to mastery of said thing. one just happens to like it, but sometimes one sucks at it. (like kim jongkook and soccer HAHA)

For me, that preference was animation. with animation comes a lot of technicalities that I began to understand only from my stay in digipen — and it wasnt long enough. But see, the thing I find to be pretty upsetting for me is the level of absorption a student can grasp from every class he or she has attended. forget quality of teaching/education; the determining factor for this quality education is the relaying of info and practicing the info that was taught, therefore, appropriately preparing the student for the unforgiving working world. it's the job of every teacher, every lecturer to teach well; and it is the responsibility of every student to learn fast and learn well. homework is given that corresponds to the lesson of the day, in which by the time of finals, the student is able to grasp all the previous teachings into practice and overcome the education after a good number of years.

in theory, this was supposed to work. for every. damn. student. but students are humans, and humans have their individual quirks. likewise, every teacher and lecturer too. so the theory is not a guaranteed system. this means that all in all, education, no matter its quality, is not a guaranteed effective system to partake knowledge. to me, right now, after all the stupid fiasco that's happened throughout my entire education journey, school is a prison. it creates a bounding mould to each of its inhabiting students, whether they know it or not, whether they like it or not. especially so for the Pre-U/Undergraduates, the ones who are able to thrive — in its very essence, to be able to learn — are those that have actually experienced working life prior to university. so the learning curve, once youve passed high school and polytechnic, is actually moot. there is not learning curve in theory. everything is each to their own from here on out.

so lets put into perspective the years spent in digipen. i have had countless discussions with other students, juniors and seniors, particularly ainsley senpai, about the level of knowledge one can impart and absorb while still in school. it is an interesting debate, because there are 2 obvious sides...
1. those who have working experience grasp better in school and are able to maintain being at the top margin, though mostly remain stagnant with their growth progress.
2. those who have no working experience lose out on the 'fun' parts and so struggle for the majority of their time, but actually get to learn a lot more, a guaranteed improvement growth.

for those who have had relevant working experience, we believe they will learn even faster because of the fact that they had the chance to practice and drill the habits as well as procedures into their workflow already. whats left for them is to incorporate these into school — because its still work after all — and use it as a leverage to push their boundaries and excel further....
provided they do know how to make good use of it and are willing to experiment to grow some more. otherwise, they will remain stagnant.. sure they will be at the top, but what good is it if theres no improvement and change substantial enough to even justify one's purpose of actually coming back to school just for a fucking degree when youre already working and earning money?? right???

on the other hand, we have us: the young, aspiring dreamers. what separates the dreamers from the achievers is our willingness to work for it, hard, and the drive to keep going. we say this, because its true, as long as one hasnt so much as graze the working life of said field one is in, one is bound to have other things in their head. /wink wink/ and then become misled by how different everything is from their imagination that they lose interest. should they soldier on, they have so much potential — SO. FREAKING. MUCH. — to make leaps of improvement that the possibility of them at least reaching the standard of those that came in with working experience is so very possible; or even reaching farther. yes!

now come back, and try to weigh all these thoughts. as we weigh the heavy silence of thought, no doubt another questions will come fluttering by. if theres a difference for something as trivial to work experience before school, then the aspiration as well as specialized goals come to mind — Jack of all trades, or master of none?

Which one is the better, wiser option? To be knowledgeable in many, or to be powerful in one? Bruce Lee said that hes not afraid of the man who's practiced 10000 types of kicks, rather, the man who's practiced one kick 10000 times. A master, specialist, is a rather formidable foe at the one thing they are good at. For sure, a master is a reliable source when you need help in his/her area of expertise. Because of this focus, its a simple and literally straight-forward way of achieving your goal. but then there's Albert Einstein who is essentially passionately curious. A Jack/Jill will learn how to learn, are adaptable, are capable leaders (because of their hindsight in preparation for things ahead of time, and the ability to gather the necessities) and, a factor always overlooked, provide variety and colour.

at the end of the day, you are what you are. you choose what you choose. trust your gut, follow your heart, and you will make if to whether you want to be with dedication, hardwork and determination. I love animation. L O V E. but Im not a great study-student; I cant absorb what was taught without putting into practice on a regular basis. I know me, and me is to learn on-the-job. its not that digipen couldnt deliver.. I just couldnt live up to their expectations — because its true i may actually be a fucking bright student. but I wasnt. I was lazy, I was tired of the school pulling me too thin through all the needless hassle of going through things that are too formal. I wasnt free. and I let that consume me. 4years was too long, and i only made my time longer. I also know myself as a kind that wants to absorb everything... I wanna be everything. E V E R Y T H I N G. I wanna be the artist, the designer, the programmer, the producer, the director.. everything. Jill of all trades. but I stretched myself out too thin.. burnt myself out that I was done with life. I fell into depression some years back because I was too damn haughty about being weak. I didnt want to be weak. I didnt want to be dependant on others. to that end, I was stupid and selfish. but it only made me thirst for more knowledge. the basics, superficial level of knowledge for so many things. right now, its enough for me. and then, I wanted to make sure that I inject bits of myself into everything. because right now, at the very end of it, at (almost) 25 years of age,

I wanna be the best storyteller and prove my point that I am the best version of myself, that nothing nobody says' gon' put me down for long.

and i realized that Yondu, in relation to Part 1's post, is my favourite character because I saw parts of myself. a good storyteller is able to invoke that kind of emotion and relation to its audience. and thats why i take animation seriously. the segments that make a good story, you have to work multiple folds just to make sure the visuals and the execution with your medium works and relays your intended purpose of the story.

Doing art is not easy. Being an animator is a lifelong challenge.
I am proud to be an (aspiring) animator and artist.
I am proud to be a story teller.

Part 3 up next, stay tuned...

Labels: #suchafah, animation is forever, dont you dare, now you know, this is how, this is why

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Disclaimer: it's not like Im an avid follower of the (ridiculously expansive) Marvel Comic and Cinematic Universe. My point of view is that of a storyteller, and a selective standalone film critic lel

there are a few reasons to establish why I will never get bored watching Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 and 2 all over again, multiple times. the editing is stupendous, even Pang agreed. in fact, he voiced out his opinion first, and I obviously find it to be true. the edit allowed the motion graphics on screen to play so well to the beat of the music. the title screen comes up, and something from the broken aircraft just had to fall in place to the two-beat of a particular song, and it created a swiping finish in removing the title. a brilliant entrance and exit played to the music. and the music. oh my god the choice of music. when I watched GoG2 again, elyas hummed along to the tune and I found myself another true friend hahahaha there was an article I had previously read about the choice of music. it explained how the music palette provided a much more whole setting as compared to the much accustomed mood board for every visual project. the fact that marvel films are going down this road in approaching their films is pleasantly refreshing. I take a particular liking to the X-Men story of origin trilogy, since thats where I first experienced it myself. It has become such an iconic piece of identity: the music, the slow-mo segment, the tinge of (sometimes intelligent) humour [see: deadpool 2016], even though parts of the plot are undoubtedly cliche and expected, one cannot help but feel a sort of attraction targeted solely because of the editing of the film. bravo to the editing team!

another reason, the important reason, actually, for why I would love to watch GoG as much as I do for Moana is because of the characters. Not just the main character, though Peter Quill does have some very deserving points, but also their side characters. I am quite the storyteller, if I may say so myself from a couple of years back, that I specialize in character development in any story. whether its the main characters — protagonist, antagonist, anti-hero — or the supporting character, as long as there is a fraction of a focus point on them in the narrative, as long as they have a relevant dialogue or action (because mime characters, yknow, they cant speak), they are still a unique entity.
I daringly use the word entity because they exist.
and the films that Hollywood have been coming up with as of late havent done characters, minor and major, enough justice. there is honestly no need for a suffocating name-your-genre-heavy kind of narrative. every story is encapsulated in its own reality-defying reality. reality-defying, because one's reality isnt another's truth. so it's a story, and this is why people refer to those who "live in their own bubble" the same as those who "live in their own world" with their "heads in the clouds". The latter an apt description since ideas are, after all, generated in the head that is metaphorically as limitless as the sky. with some fluffy clouds.

to be fair, i cant blame it all on 'Hollywood'. theyre feeding the masses. and the masses are us, humanity, which is a deteriorating lot in both brains and brawns across the universe. we're gradually losing heart for a preferred standard face. there is still racial and international discrimination, and its being reflected on rather audaciously via Hollywood. theres a growing lack of appreciation on the inside, and if there is such a film, it stands out like a good-kind of sore eye [see: Moonchild 2016]. why? because they have a lot of heart. cliches are cliches because they have been overused, but this is due to the fact that there is a lump of truth in it! a strong heart is unyielding, and its only expected that a hero is so if it meets the story's purpose to motivate and inspire. the good guys always win because they are just, and they seek out the balance of the natural ways. obviously there is much to be discussed with some of the sentences stated here but that will be a story for another time and another post! theres so many, and Im losing focus. the heart. GoG has a lot of heart, because their realistic characters and subtle approach to our real world is executed in a fantastical world that pokes fun at our reality with a lot of truth and light-heartedness punctuated with enough serious tone lightly tread on.

in GoG1, the characters find purpose, and are forced to band together to achieve the same goal. they struggle with who they are against what is required of them, and they fight hard to find their own ground. in GoG2, the characters move forward to find a place to call home, only to realize that they have each other to turn back to almost a little too late. they learn to treasure things that they have, and deal with the things they dont. they also learn to accept themselves, and find ways to better themselves should they not like *how* they are. that everything needs to be taken with a tinge of salt. every. thing.

Yondu was a character that I identified with almost instantly from the very first GoG. there was something about him that sparked a resemblance to my dad. was it the husky, gargly voice? was it the weird fashion and identity point (in their bald hair/head)? was it their tough love, looking-for-you-from-the-back bullshit? was it their stubbornness and willingness to sacrifice everything for you? yes, yes to all.
so the first time when I finished GoG2, I bawled my eyes out. I wont provide spoiler, but I will say this much: Yondu's arrow ability was such an incredible bonus that I only found out through the movie. :3

With Yondu, as with the others but primarily Yondu, my expectations of a story with great character(s) is reached. It is important to have such great character(s) because they are the immediate link and relation to a fulfilling and enjoyable story. In fact, I enjoyed GoG so much that I shall go on a movie marathon again. right now.

It's almost midnight now. Part 2 coming up in the next post...

Labels: #suchafah, animation is forever, dont you dare

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i cannot stand how my parents consistently associate condescending phrases and terms with me.

cheap woman. no dignity. shameful. selfish. self-indulgant. embarrassment.

there is no pride or happiness with me. there is no jokes or laughter. it's always just negative, breaking downs and pointing attitudes against me.

i dare say, the only thing theyve taught me is to fight for my own voice and independence. this is not a family. this is hell.

i'll be damned if i leave social media, just to prove a point to them that i dont need it.

i use it, so that my hopes to communicate with my own blood and bone can reach them. but they dont think the way i can. they dont feel the way i do.

the way i see it, im not worth in their eyes anymore. if my own parents wont even regard me with respect as the eldest child, im doomed. all the struggle and effort i put in all this time just to try and 'redeem' myself in their eyes are all for nothing. i pray Allah release them from their
blinded eyes and jaded hearts. im done trying fr the last 10years.

everything has come full circle to them. it's all my fault, because im selfish. joke.

i'll show them how selfish i can actually get from here on out.

Labels: dont you dare, family, stop hurting me

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