Saturday, February 27, 2021, 10:10 am Β·
Career, a long-winding post fit for a long-winding road. (Part 1: The Thought Process)
Career, a long-winding post fit for a long-winding road. (Part 1: The Thought Process)
What's the first thing that you look for whenever you job hunt? The first thing. A Company. The equivalent (non-verbal) meaning to that is the brand — like how one would shop for material things according to a specific maker or (shop/business) name. There is a certain image and standard that one looks to, and this honestly applies to almost everything in this material world. What you like and what the public thinks may overlap, it may not. The most important thing is whether you vibe with it, whether it serves your purpose.
This is the part where research on said brands and companies come in. What do you look for? You look for things that are important to you. I have come to a point in my life where it's not just one specific thing that stands alone. It concerns me what happens to the back end. In my earlier years, the phrase "ignorance is bliss" was such a luxury — for the longest time — that I've lived in such a reckless and careless manner. While it is not something I will ever consider going back to change, I will instead now include an addition of 'tact'. The reason(s) is simple. While this is my life, I will need to be mindful of others as it affects them too — especially the short-term, immediate effect. Where I am in this life now, I need to be mindful of the effects my actions possess that may reflect my parents. Sure, while I honestly dont care about what others think, I care more about the thoughts of my birthgivers. I would like for them to be happy and content with the decisions and paths that I chose.
I know what's happened in the "back end" that's shaped my birthgivers. I am also aware of what's happened in my "back end" so far that has shaped me up till now. These things set the standard and expectation when our images get thrown into the public. These "back end" stuff is not readily put out in the open. It is something that you dig for. Why do you need to dig for these? Because there is always something that needs to be hidden. In shame, in failure, in disappointment, to name a few. For companies, for brands, these "back end" stuff is tied securely to their financial statements. They need the profit, they dont want too much of a loss. Now, on to companies, the corporate businesses that make the world go round.
This pressure that corporations have in keeping themselves afloat trickles down the organisation chart. It is a weird chart when you look at the financial distribution. The foundation of every businesses are seemingly always being paid peanuts. Why this concerns me a great deal is because the ones who sit at the top - and Im generalising here - more often than not pay no attention for those beneath them. This towering organisation chart will then start to lose its weight, its structure. For this, Im specifically targetting the welfare, because in Singapore, this has continued to be a struggle across the fields.
While I kinda get why the working groups that make up the base of this organisation charts are constantly paid peanuts, I also kinda expect it's because there are benefits that come with it that cant be put into the numbers. Hence, like I said, welfare. And welfare covers a vast area. It is medical, dental, fitness, overall mental and physical health, including the office environment we work in. As with hidden costs in sales transactions, there are also hidden expectations in contract agreements that arent always openly discussed.
That is the one thing that I continue to find strange to me. The shushing of discussion of contracts and money matters. But this will be another post all together.
Now. Back to the brand and expectations.
I have been a freelancer for most of my juvenile career. I still am considered a rookie, because I dont have any big brands under my clientele belt. The way corporate works — from the organisational hierarchy to the insensible financial segmentation, among others — dont sit well with me. I know my worth, and it should be proportionate to the salary/money and treatment/consideration Im getting in relation to those in the higher ranks and the jobscope that Im doing (for them). After sometime, not being able (read: allowed) to climb up in ranks, is just ridiculous. This has happened more than twice in companies that are considered among the tops in the public eye in their respective fields, whether in fnb, or oil-n-gas, or (various) consumer products. The standard seen from public eye versus what was really going down behind the scenes and the back end was utter rubbish.
I had thought by extracting myself out of that equation — from part-time status, I converted to a full-time freelancer since 2016 to be exact, (yes when I was still in when I bought myself a business profile — by having the freedom to jump ship when collaborations with companies dont vibe with me, I am able to avoid upsetting myself. Yes, I was happy, I felt my purpose being met — my field was solely in anything of The Arts. I had been creating and educating on the Arts, given free reign to dabble in anything and everything, anytime and everytime I was available. I had ran 3 gigs consecutively before, and it was such an unwise decision although I had been content. But the one thing I had sacrificed was stability. I could be earning a decent 6k, 9k one month, but go months without projects or big profits other months — I was picky and I was difficult when it came to securing gigs. It was because I needed to be sure of what I was being given, and I had to make sure I was covered while I was undertaking those gigs. Some couldnt bend to my requests, but most of them couldnt accept the amount I was asking for. Take note that the difficulty with my requests was more so that I was able to perform the best that I can, for the artworks, or for my students/participants. While this constant push-and-pull was not a problem for me, it was a problem for my birthgivers. They didnt like that I was always so ready to be in survival mode, constantly searching for gigs, constantly calculating my monies, constantly in working mode 247 one way or another.
They did not go through all of their struggles to raise me to be a child of wilderness that's always on edge. An exaggeration, some are my birthgiver's own words, but this had been their mentality, this was what they were seeing. What they did not see, had not seen, were things that had been more important to me, that had given me purpose, my internal dilemma and challenges at the time. Their contempt for my career choice and lifestyle had hindered the way things flowed at home. We were always angry, we were always butting heads, we were always brash with each other. No one was listening, no one was understanding. In their eyes, I had not lived up to their standards of being the eldest child and daughter that they had expected of me.
I had been beaten and abused all around, by my self and by others. The greatest upset up til this point happened in August 2020 — a period, actually, from April 2020 til August 2020. That changed the way I approached my career. That triggered and force activated my 'smart part'. I'm sick of hustling with my hands alone. I want an easier way to reach my goals. I want an easier way to do things. I want an efficient and practical way to go about my things without having to output 100+% of my energy every single fucking day.
This is the part where research on said brands and companies come in. What do you look for? You look for things that are important to you. I have come to a point in my life where it's not just one specific thing that stands alone. It concerns me what happens to the back end. In my earlier years, the phrase "ignorance is bliss" was such a luxury — for the longest time — that I've lived in such a reckless and careless manner. While it is not something I will ever consider going back to change, I will instead now include an addition of 'tact'. The reason(s) is simple. While this is my life, I will need to be mindful of others as it affects them too — especially the short-term, immediate effect. Where I am in this life now, I need to be mindful of the effects my actions possess that may reflect my parents. Sure, while I honestly dont care about what others think, I care more about the thoughts of my birthgivers. I would like for them to be happy and content with the decisions and paths that I chose.
I know what's happened in the "back end" that's shaped my birthgivers. I am also aware of what's happened in my "back end" so far that has shaped me up till now. These things set the standard and expectation when our images get thrown into the public. These "back end" stuff is not readily put out in the open. It is something that you dig for. Why do you need to dig for these? Because there is always something that needs to be hidden. In shame, in failure, in disappointment, to name a few. For companies, for brands, these "back end" stuff is tied securely to their financial statements. They need the profit, they dont want too much of a loss. Now, on to companies, the corporate businesses that make the world go round.
This pressure that corporations have in keeping themselves afloat trickles down the organisation chart. It is a weird chart when you look at the financial distribution. The foundation of every businesses are seemingly always being paid peanuts. Why this concerns me a great deal is because the ones who sit at the top - and Im generalising here - more often than not pay no attention for those beneath them. This towering organisation chart will then start to lose its weight, its structure. For this, Im specifically targetting the welfare, because in Singapore, this has continued to be a struggle across the fields.
While I kinda get why the working groups that make up the base of this organisation charts are constantly paid peanuts, I also kinda expect it's because there are benefits that come with it that cant be put into the numbers. Hence, like I said, welfare. And welfare covers a vast area. It is medical, dental, fitness, overall mental and physical health, including the office environment we work in. As with hidden costs in sales transactions, there are also hidden expectations in contract agreements that arent always openly discussed.
That is the one thing that I continue to find strange to me. The shushing of discussion of contracts and money matters. But this will be another post all together.
Now. Back to the brand and expectations.
I have been a freelancer for most of my juvenile career. I still am considered a rookie, because I dont have any big brands under my clientele belt. The way corporate works — from the organisational hierarchy to the insensible financial segmentation, among others — dont sit well with me. I know my worth, and it should be proportionate to the salary/money and treatment/consideration Im getting in relation to those in the higher ranks and the jobscope that Im doing (for them). After sometime, not being able (read: allowed) to climb up in ranks, is just ridiculous. This has happened more than twice in companies that are considered among the tops in the public eye in their respective fields, whether in fnb, or oil-n-gas, or (various) consumer products. The standard seen from public eye versus what was really going down behind the scenes and the back end was utter rubbish.
I had thought by extracting myself out of that equation — from part-time status, I converted to a full-time freelancer since 2016 to be exact, (yes when I was still in when I bought myself a business profile — by having the freedom to jump ship when collaborations with companies dont vibe with me, I am able to avoid upsetting myself. Yes, I was happy, I felt my purpose being met — my field was solely in anything of The Arts. I had been creating and educating on the Arts, given free reign to dabble in anything and everything, anytime and everytime I was available. I had ran 3 gigs consecutively before, and it was such an unwise decision although I had been content. But the one thing I had sacrificed was stability. I could be earning a decent 6k, 9k one month, but go months without projects or big profits other months — I was picky and I was difficult when it came to securing gigs. It was because I needed to be sure of what I was being given, and I had to make sure I was covered while I was undertaking those gigs. Some couldnt bend to my requests, but most of them couldnt accept the amount I was asking for. Take note that the difficulty with my requests was more so that I was able to perform the best that I can, for the artworks, or for my students/participants. While this constant push-and-pull was not a problem for me, it was a problem for my birthgivers. They didnt like that I was always so ready to be in survival mode, constantly searching for gigs, constantly calculating my monies, constantly in working mode 247 one way or another.
They did not go through all of their struggles to raise me to be a child of wilderness that's always on edge. An exaggeration, some are my birthgiver's own words, but this had been their mentality, this was what they were seeing. What they did not see, had not seen, were things that had been more important to me, that had given me purpose, my internal dilemma and challenges at the time. Their contempt for my career choice and lifestyle had hindered the way things flowed at home. We were always angry, we were always butting heads, we were always brash with each other. No one was listening, no one was understanding. In their eyes, I had not lived up to their standards of being the eldest child and daughter that they had expected of me.
While I loathed the hierarchy of corporations, I also missed out on the stability they offered. Previously, the pride I had to be successful with my own hands had blinded me to the point of unnecessary struggling. I worked so hard. Too hard, that I wasnt being very smart. Truly, looking back now, there are decisions that I should have taken that would have brought me to a slightly better place than I would have been now. Indeed, I worked hard, but I hadnt worked smart, and that is one of my greatest setbacks — the smart part haha.
I had been beaten and abused all around, by my self and by others. The greatest upset up til this point happened in August 2020 — a period, actually, from April 2020 til August 2020. That changed the way I approached my career. That triggered and force activated my 'smart part'. I'm sick of hustling with my hands alone. I want an easier way to reach my goals. I want an easier way to do things. I want an efficient and practical way to go about my things without having to output 100+% of my energy every single fucking day.
Labels: career, how can, in the future, rant to feel better, well now, why is this ok
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