I'm currently in a head-space where I feel good. I'm better at the moment. In my own skin. In my own head. And suddenly, after donning my new self-preservation anklet, I feel fine. Grounded. Stable. Sane. Done with bullshit. And I'm gonna call out the top two people in my circle and spill the beans. Of why they are the next bullshit in the list. Why they are the next toxic I would want to clear away.

Nisley. The last straw happened. This is not what "bestfriends" do to each other. You dont prioritize your boyfriend when its your "bestfriends" fucking birthday. You spend them with me. You're with him every single fucking day. Why cant you spend one fucking day with me. And you still dare to yap that it's "my day" I get to decide things. I didnt wanna decide what you should be doing cos I thought YOU FUCKING KNEW WHAT I WANT goddamnit. I wanted a day out with us. I wanted a day out with this thing you called "bestfriend". But no. The moment evening drew near your focus shifted. You wanted to fucking go to your boyfriend. You're not even present anymore. What's the point of gifting me a fucking fish bracelet then? You said I taught you how to fish, but whats the point of it all when you're gonna over-fish and lead everything to doom?? What's the point of telling me you want to change but you dont do it right then and there. Whats the point of calling me your fucking bestfriend when you dont even regard me in that fucking manner next to your boyfriend? Can you grow up? You dont need to fucking glue yourselves together what. Spend your days working on yourself and your heart. Now youre in the hospital for dehydration and exhaustion. I say Ive told you so! I dont wanna visit. I dont wanna give you the pity party. I am so angry I need to decide whether to prepare being angry the entire visit, or be so fucking amused that you got in this state. Why? Because you didnt listen to your "bestfriend". Because you do whatever you want cos its your life. Because I am only your "bestfriend" you could promise sweet things to. Is this how you treat all your bestfriends? No wonder youre always guilty to shariff and wani. You should be. It's up to you when to put a stop to this.

Pang. The way we've been going is totally something I can find and do with other friends. Freaking out about games, about lores, about memes, every thing. my other friends can fill in too.. guys and girls. What else do you offer? What CAN you offer to me as your partner? The things you've offered, you've done so far, are things that any friends should do. Basic. But you dont even cover basics. You dont ask how Im doing, you dont ask me if Im fine. You dont look for me. You dont shower me with sweets. You dont miss me. You dont even think of me. I know I dont want this, but I thought I'd give you a chance anyway. How long? Until after youre done with school? Until I realized I have enough? If it's the latter, then I think it's coming real soon. You want to look after me even if it means I dont get to enjoy things with you. Do you see the problem there? You're partially extracting me from your life. We dont even see each other often, yet you're willing to disappear for as long as you like. You quote school, but hey, check it out I also have a life and I am busy as you are. But I always make time for you. Make time to WANT to chat with you. But you dont want to do the same for me. Why? Because you claim you dont. Listen. This are the basics. Im teaching you basics. For us. For you and your future girlfriend/wife. You denying to learn that for me has cut out one straw. Youre running out of straws man. The way Im living my life now... it's as good as being single again. There is no point for me if the relationship makes me feel just as alone as I have been all along.

Labels: can we have a minute of silence to listen, fah says, fucking piece of shit

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