and thats the painful part. I relied on you guys too much. I relied on you guys on everything. and it began to hurt a lot more than usual when the boys started enlisting. and then.. everyone got busy. one by one. I was working. the girls were on their own paths. and then there, I obly had the girls left, but even they were slowly tied up. and then now Im stuck, while everyone else is happy. 

its like.. theyre happy Im gone. was I such a burden last time? is it wrong to be with friends who have been your other family for the past 8years?

when no one replies.. I understood any mother's heart. not that Im a mother. but it feels like your kids/blood arent responding to you anymore. that they dont care. or they got too busy to bother. 

the extra effort was always me. I feel it. and now, everyone's minding their own business. is this the end of it? do you guys even care about me any more? what am I to you guys? I didnt bother answering, and no one chased me. is this the answer?

Im not asking for a dramatic entry. Im asking for everyone to spare me some time because you are my energy. 

fmc, I was wrong to have relied on you guys. I was wrong to have put my reserved happiness on you guys. Im sorry.