Tuesday, February 17, 2026, 4:49 am Β·
Winds of Change
Winds of Change
What if I... let go this year? I say this but truth be told, Ive probably already taken the first step — booking myself a trip to Korea for 8 days. With no plans. Only good (desperate) vibes. For freedom. For the need to feel good in my own skin again.
something within me feels like it/they/she wants to break free, and I dont know what else is there to do except to just close my eyes, go blind and just do. this sensation feels very familiar actually — I vividly remember back when I was super young, like maybe Kindergarten or Primary School age, when we were still in the old house of Block 747, I was learning how to ride a bike. Afraid of falling and the pain that follows a learned crash, I kept to cycling along the corridor. I continued to struggle though, pedaling the bike was strangely growing difficult. After a while, I felt it in me that I needed to... move. To a bigger space. Remove the training wheels and attempt cycling out in the open.
In my fresh adult phase in life some time back, I recalled this moment as my gut-feeling telling me it's time to progress past the corridor. I think my spirit (or some kind of personal abstract concept) was beginning to feel claustrophobic. Deep inside, I knew that I needed to move out into the open and get that cycling learning down. The mental image in my head was akin to wings unable to stretch out because of the literal confinement within the corridor. I had a lot of fear, but I remembered a few days later there was a burst of confidence and I did two things at once — went down to the open space at the void deck, and removed the training wheels.
The immediate success that followed after shedding my own training shackles was undoubtedly a core memory, seeing as I can still refer to it decades later. Truly, there was a sense of freedom which I think is attributed to no longer feeling like Im held down.
—
I said all that to say that maybe this is what Im feeling right now. Maybe Im back here again, feeling exactly what my very young self felt. And this time, it will be an intended metamorphosis again — which I believe was what it was back then. A solid pit stop as my entire internal universe does a system overhaul.
Something that has probably been nagging at the back of my head for the longest time is my art. I have been fussing and stressing about it because of how I view it as another arm for profit. Feels like Im approaching it the wrong way... or perhaps, it's the wrong sequence. Right now,
I should just do it because, at the very root of my being, Art was always the thing I gravitated to. My potential source of regulation, meditation, and happiness. Perhaps once I start focusing inward like that, there can be a better build towards an outward manifestation that can bring in the profits that I wish to have (think James Jean, Loish!).
Genuinely very excited just thinking about it.
something within me feels like it/they/she wants to break free, and I dont know what else is there to do except to just close my eyes, go blind and just do. this sensation feels very familiar actually — I vividly remember back when I was super young, like maybe Kindergarten or Primary School age, when we were still in the old house of Block 747, I was learning how to ride a bike. Afraid of falling and the pain that follows a learned crash, I kept to cycling along the corridor. I continued to struggle though, pedaling the bike was strangely growing difficult. After a while, I felt it in me that I needed to... move. To a bigger space. Remove the training wheels and attempt cycling out in the open.
In my fresh adult phase in life some time back, I recalled this moment as my gut-feeling telling me it's time to progress past the corridor. I think my spirit (or some kind of personal abstract concept) was beginning to feel claustrophobic. Deep inside, I knew that I needed to move out into the open and get that cycling learning down. The mental image in my head was akin to wings unable to stretch out because of the literal confinement within the corridor. I had a lot of fear, but I remembered a few days later there was a burst of confidence and I did two things at once — went down to the open space at the void deck, and removed the training wheels.
The immediate success that followed after shedding my own training shackles was undoubtedly a core memory, seeing as I can still refer to it decades later. Truly, there was a sense of freedom which I think is attributed to no longer feeling like Im held down.
—
I said all that to say that maybe this is what Im feeling right now. Maybe Im back here again, feeling exactly what my very young self felt. And this time, it will be an intended metamorphosis again — which I believe was what it was back then. A solid pit stop as my entire internal universe does a system overhaul.
But in order for it to be successful, I have to fully embrace the chaos that comes with it
so that I can learn how to regulate and settle down better after the storm.
Something that has probably been nagging at the back of my head for the longest time is my art. I have been fussing and stressing about it because of how I view it as another arm for profit. Feels like Im approaching it the wrong way... or perhaps, it's the wrong sequence. Right now,
I should just do it because, at the very root of my being, Art was always the thing I gravitated to. My potential source of regulation, meditation, and happiness. Perhaps once I start focusing inward like that, there can be a better build towards an outward manifestation that can bring in the profits that I wish to have (think James Jean, Loish!).
Genuinely very excited just thinking about it.
Labels: life has so many lemons to make lemonades out of, reminder remember, this is my safe space, wind(s) of change
.