to surround yourself with like-minded, likeable, lively friends like i have certainly has its good and bad points. upholding the motherly figure once again, i wouldnt say it's pleasure but rather im honoured. to have friends that entrust their mental and physical states to my nagging wisdom and childs-play truly makes me feel delighted. i wont lie, school has been hard. at the end of the day, i sigh from all the pain, the failures, the disappointments i put myself through. but it's all worth it, for my spirit is unchained, free to register and rethink the entirety of the world, constantly learning and finding happiness.

for it's not anybody's fault that i am bounded by this darkness. it isnt very much the fault of my amazing lecturers for giving me bad grades and failing to support me in providing good grades in return for my tiresome assignments. it isnt the fault of my friends either — they are my sunshine, my addiction and my pitfalls. and it is this new circle of friends that i have for the next 4 years. a month is down, mid-terms are done. it is safe to say that i have now gathered enough data and gossips to gauge this new life. as it is, the visual image in my head sees everyone together, and i shall introduce with the most anonymity i can muster with hopes that i dont give too much away — especially their names.

we have my perfect younger maiden, one that i am thankful to have known enough a period before school began. she is so cooped up inside, her issues though only i can sense and relate to. im relieved to know that she relies on me as much as i rely on her as my fair conscience. we also have my gentle giant kid who serves as my maiden's father figure. such benign being, he is my confidant. just a few days ago, i sensed his watchful gaze wash over me. he now towers over not just my maiden, but me as well. i am thankful as i have always been for our four years of friendship. then we have my fairy. a he-fairy. he cant be a fairy godperson because he has sinned in my own terms, though i will never change my regards for him. so he is just a fairy. a flower fairy, if you must. he looks after me with much fuss and his touches are only very slight on impulse — only when he finds to need to check if i am still breathing. like a mimosa, he opens up but closes again on his own touch which is... adorably silly. but when he does hold his touches, it gets funny and i poke at him for it at the same time pull him closer to me. i adore him, as much i do my maiden and my giant, because he is also my safe line. with him around, my sanity is checked. we also have my mashimaro, who has complicated things in my books. he lies in the shadows in the most literal of expressions. he was never in my radar until i found him behind the monitor one lonely day after class. upon my request, he took up the liberty together with my giant to look after my maiden and i am grateful. now, we find him stuck together with my fairy. they kick butts big time, giving their best for grades. he and i share the most things in common, and it is in his arms that i feel most comfort. a desire i thought i had locked away deep within the depths of my mind has begun to surface, and i worry where this will lead me. as i shock myself to find him by my side at times, i never pushed him away. neither do i shudder away, because there is a truth i try so hard to deny. if anything, i only want us to huddle closer with my maiden, my giant and my fairy, so that i will never have to jeopardize anything for this amazing friendship that's formed. with this, my inner circle has been grounded.

there are two other maidens that form the external inner circle because they are their own duo. however, because of my conflicted sexuality, i am impossibly attracted to the one within my reach. she is beautiful, and i feel a strong need to look over this one too, in addition to my broken maiden. this maiden has expectations too high, guiltily set by the peers, which she blindly accepted as her own. she is beautiful, and she has part of her heart worn on her sleeves that i have seemed to gaze into, but ultimately fails at reaching her heart. she is beautiful, and she is my star. the other maiden is a joy to be with as well for a running gag that had chanced over during one of our journeys home. she is strong, and her desire to concentrate for the best of grades are the strongest. her attraction to cuteness was a familiar tug at my heart, and it is there that i find us jollying and shrieking to our hearts content at all the fluff whenever we see one.

this is all there is for now. i cannot understand the english i have used for this post, but at least it's efficient at sucking my memory dry for the moment. i have a lot of strong needs, and i this is one of the many parts to them. the need to write has faded, but i will return with more — the trio tribe where we have my arabian knight, my yellow meranti and my messiah child. /peace/

Labels: all my feels, fah for digipen, how fah rolls, kids, the circle, these dangerous people

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